Wanderlust

We all have something of a wanderlust, don't we?  We all seem to keep moving, exploring, wandering, and seeking. Maybe it is just something in our nature.

The Bible has a lot to say about wandering and most of it leads to disaster. Proverbs 21:16 " A man who wanders from the way of understanding will rest in the assembly of the dead."  Pretty grim picture.  We know about the Israelite's 40 years of wandering. They did so because they failed to trust and obey what the Lord put before them. I think they were meant to learn from their time in the desert. I am quite sure they did not. I will let you get into that misadventure on your own time.  Or this verse from Amos 8:12 " People will stagger from sea to sea and from the north to the east; They will go to and from to seek the word of the Lord, but they will not find it." This was a warning when the Israelite's had tested the Lord over and over again, leading to his silence for generations. This came after the 40 years of desert trekking. Even will all the history at our fingertips, we go out of our way to make the same mistakes on repeat. Do you know the song, " Come thou Fount of Every Blessing"?

Prone to wander Lord I feel it

Prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart, oh take and seal it

Seal it for thy courts above. 

What is it about us that makes us this way? But what if we turned our wandering to seeking? One of my favorite quotes is from JRR Tolkien from The Riddle of Strider- " Not all those who wander are lost" 

My husband and I jump at any chance to travel and explore new places. We take weekend getaways as often as we can, where we can simply unplug, unwind, and wander. We rarely make any plans beyond where we will stay. On these mini vacations we have found the most fascinating and beautiful places. There was a castle, sitting on a hill in Vermont, built  to woo a British royal. And a tourist stop in North Georgia called Goats on the Roof.  Here you could place some pellets in a tin cup and then peddle a stationary bike pushing the cup up a track to the roof where, you guessed it, goats fight over the goodies. 

As I am writing this I am sitting on the patio of a rustic 100 year old inn surrounded by pines and ivy. Rain is falling on the tin roof, and the sweet smell of damp earth fills the air. These are the places I feel closest to God. Wandering, but certainly not lost. 

I found these verses in Deuteronomy 32: 10-11 " He found him in a desert land. And in the howling waste of a wilderness he encircled him. He cared for him. He guarded him as the pupil of his eye. He watches over his nest like an eagle and hovers over his young. he spreads his wings, catches him, and carries him on his feathers." 

This was his song to remind his rebellious children of all he had done for them and how deeply he loved them. 

I can wander, as we are prone to do, but I will always be encircled by a God who is ready to catch me on his wings.  

 

 

In His Hands

 Psalm 10:14

But you yourself have seen trouble and grief. Observing it in order to take the matter into your hands.

The helpless one entrusts himself to you; You are a helper of the fatherless.

 

 Grief is such an odd, fluid thing. One day, you are fine and the next, you are not. Or, maybe one minute you are fine and then you are not. Those stages I learned about in college don't necessarily come in order. In fact, I am learning they can kind of come all at once. I probably need a warning label these days - Caution: this one is prone to sudden tears, laughter or possible anger. Things that have made me cry, or raging mad in the past twenty four hours: a bottle of Bud Light; a Jim Croce song; a memory of my cat, Simkin, along with the comments about Papa giving him bacon; a probate attorney and remembering that future plans are different now. 

My mom, brother, and sister are right there with me, but also traveling their own journey. Mom is somehow holding it together amazingly well. I have always been amazed at her strength and ability to be Mom for all of us, even in the hardest times. We are incredibly grateful for all the friends and family who keep checking in with her. Her journey is very different from us grown kids. 

 Jeremy has been our rock. He is getting things done around the house and dealing with the aforementioned attorney. He also texts us girls every day. "Hey my sisters. How are you today?" He is really the perfect balance of our parents strengths. 

 Teri and I have found a new love language. We speak in songs. Pretty much daily we send each other a song. This one made me cry, you should listen to it! 

I have received a couple of very thoughtful gift boxes in the past couple of days. One came with a big, soft blanket and a note. "You gifted me this same blanket after my mom passed and I still wrap myself in it daily." Yeah, I am crying again. Not a club either of us wanted to join. 

My devotional today was well meaning, but kind of rubbed me the wrong way.  It talked about us asking "Why?" and that when we demand to know the reason, we are not fully trusting in God's plan.  I have to disagree. I am trusting, I just don't see it. Maybe, I am just not ready to accept it. So, yes, I am asking why.  Why now? Why now, when we just moved closer, and had so many plans for getting together more often? But then I am grateful I was close and could get to the  house so quickly, and can easily go back if needed. Why so suddenly? Why with no chance of saying goodbye? But then I think if we had known, Dad would have been suffering in some way. Or, maybe, his memory would have been fading the way he had to watch with his dad. No, I know I would not have wanted that either. I do not understand. I am going to ask why. I do not understand, but I do see His Hand. 

Life moves forward. I am back at work. It was a beautiful day here and we got some work done in the yard. We cleared the weeds from the flower beds and laid down new grass seed over the red Georgia clay. We are making plans for how we want it all to look. It won't be as pristine as Dad's, but we will try to make him proud. We are looking forward to an upcoming cruise with friends and two of our kids. I long to sit on the deck and watch the ocean roll by around us. Much like my Dad, I find solace for my soul on the water. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack for nothing

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.