Wanderlust

We all have something of a wanderlust, don't we?  We all seem to keep moving, exploring, wandering, and seeking. Maybe it is just something in our nature.

The Bible has a lot to say about wandering and most of it leads to disaster. Proverbs 21:16 " A man who wanders from the way of understanding will rest in the assembly of the dead."  Pretty grim picture.  We know about the Israelite's 40 years of wandering. They did so because they failed to trust and obey what the Lord put before them. I think they were meant to learn from their time in the desert. I am quite sure they did not. I will let you get into that misadventure on your own time.  Or this verse from Amos 8:12 " People will stagger from sea to sea and from the north to the east; They will go to and from to seek the word of the Lord, but they will not find it." This was a warning when the Israelite's had tested the Lord over and over again, leading to his silence for generations. This came after the 40 years of desert trekking. Even will all the history at our fingertips, we go out of our way to make the same mistakes on repeat. Do you know the song, " Come thou Fount of Every Blessing"?

Prone to wander Lord I feel it

Prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart, oh take and seal it

Seal it for thy courts above. 

What is it about us that makes us this way? But what if we turned our wandering to seeking? One of my favorite quotes is from JRR Tolkien from The Riddle of Strider- " Not all those who wander are lost" 

My husband and I jump at any chance to travel and explore new places. We take weekend getaways as often as we can, where we can simply unplug, unwind, and wander. We rarely make any plans beyond where we will stay. On these mini vacations we have found the most fascinating and beautiful places. There was a castle, sitting on a hill in Vermont, built  to woo a British royal. And a tourist stop in North Georgia called Goats on the Roof.  Here you could place some pellets in a tin cup and then peddle a stationary bike pushing the cup up a track to the roof where, you guessed it, goats fight over the goodies. 

As I am writing this I am sitting on the patio of a rustic 100 year old inn surrounded by pines and ivy. Rain is falling on the tin roof, and the sweet smell of damp earth fills the air. These are the places I feel closest to God. Wandering, but certainly not lost. 

I found these verses in Deuteronomy 32: 10-11 " He found him in a desert land. And in the howling waste of a wilderness he encircled him. He cared for him. He guarded him as the pupil of his eye. He watches over his nest like an eagle and hovers over his young. he spreads his wings, catches him, and carries him on his feathers." 

This was his song to remind his rebellious children of all he had done for them and how deeply he loved them. 

I can wander, as we are prone to do, but I will always be encircled by a God who is ready to catch me on his wings.  

 

 

In His Hands

 Psalm 10:14

But you yourself have seen trouble and grief. Observing it in order to take the matter into your hands.

The helpless one entrusts himself to you; You are a helper of the fatherless.

 

 Grief is such an odd, fluid thing. One day, you are fine and the next, you are not. Or, maybe one minute you are fine and then you are not. Those stages I learned about in college don't necessarily come in order. In fact, I am learning they can kind of come all at once. I probably need a warning label these days - Caution: this one is prone to sudden tears, laughter or possible anger. Things that have made me cry, or raging mad in the past twenty four hours: a bottle of Bud Light; a Jim Croce song; a memory of my cat, Simkin, along with the comments about Papa giving him bacon; a probate attorney and remembering that future plans are different now. 

My mom, brother, and sister are right there with me, but also traveling their own journey. Mom is somehow holding it together amazingly well. I have always been amazed at her strength and ability to be Mom for all of us, even in the hardest times. We are incredibly grateful for all the friends and family who keep checking in with her. Her journey is very different from us grown kids. 

 Jeremy has been our rock. He is getting things done around the house and dealing with the aforementioned attorney. He also texts us girls every day. "Hey my sisters. How are you today?" He is really the perfect balance of our parents strengths. 

 Teri and I have found a new love language. We speak in songs. Pretty much daily we send each other a song. This one made me cry, you should listen to it! 

I have received a couple of very thoughtful gift boxes in the past couple of days. One came with a big, soft blanket and a note. "You gifted me this same blanket after my mom passed and I still wrap myself in it daily." Yeah, I am crying again. Not a club either of us wanted to join. 

My devotional today was well meaning, but kind of rubbed me the wrong way.  It talked about us asking "Why?" and that when we demand to know the reason, we are not fully trusting in God's plan.  I have to disagree. I am trusting, I just don't see it. Maybe, I am just not ready to accept it. So, yes, I am asking why.  Why now? Why now, when we just moved closer, and had so many plans for getting together more often? But then I am grateful I was close and could get to the  house so quickly, and can easily go back if needed. Why so suddenly? Why with no chance of saying goodbye? But then I think if we had known, Dad would have been suffering in some way. Or, maybe, his memory would have been fading the way he had to watch with his dad. No, I know I would not have wanted that either. I do not understand. I am going to ask why. I do not understand, but I do see His Hand. 

Life moves forward. I am back at work. It was a beautiful day here and we got some work done in the yard. We cleared the weeds from the flower beds and laid down new grass seed over the red Georgia clay. We are making plans for how we want it all to look. It won't be as pristine as Dad's, but we will try to make him proud. We are looking forward to an upcoming cruise with friends and two of our kids. I long to sit on the deck and watch the ocean roll by around us. Much like my Dad, I find solace for my soul on the water. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack for nothing

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.

Family

What does it mean to be family? What does a family look like to you? I was thinking about this last week while in church. I was looking around and thinking about being a part of a church family and what that meant and how it relates to being a part of the family of God. I had even been thinking about coming here and writing out my thoughts on the subject.  We left the service, went to a nice lunch with some of that church family and then were running errands. It was a beautiful day and we were enjoying the time and making plans. Then my phone rang. It was a call that would shatter our day and our hearts. It also led to a week of knowing what family really means. 

I was blessed to be raised in an amazing family. I have parents that love us, a brother and sister, and as families do, this family has grown. Just this past August we celebrated my Mom and Dad, and their 50th wedding anniversary. This included family photos where our original family of five is now 13. Three generations and a legacy built from this young couple that fell in love. This is family. 

I was double blessed when I married my husband and became a part of his family. In-laws that love us, a sister and her husband and a niece and nephew. Then our own daughters and, as is supposed to happen, the men in their lives. This is family. 

What makes us family? Is it genetics? Or marriage? Or is it something much deeper.   There is a passage of scripture that used to bother me, but then I began to see what Jesus was trying to say to us about family.    

Matthew 12:46-50

While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you."   He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here is my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in Heaven is my brother and sister and mother."

Family is necessary and important to God. But it does not always mean just those with whom we share a blood line. Maybe family are those included in holidays, birthdays, and other important milestones. Maybe family are those you call on when you have an immediate emergency and need help.  Maybe family are those who become such an integral part of all the above mentioned moments, you no longer separate them from those who share your name.  Maybe family are those who never have to knock. The ones you trust to enter your home, with no idea of its current state, to help find a kid's volleyball shorts needed for a game. The ones you trust with your kids and pets. The ones allowed to help themselves to anything in your fridge or pantry. The one with the laugh that you can hear echoing through your halls along with those kids that kind of look like you.

John 1:12-13

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God"

Maybe it is important in this rambling to mention we are a Navy family. This is a whole special kind of family, but mostly it means we do not always get to live close to that genetic family, and we learn to rely on and bond with those whom God places in our lives. About 12 years ago we moved to Upstate New York; our family is all down south. 

Eleven years ago we moved into this house. The first day we were here, there was a knock, and at our door stood three neighborhood kids asking to meet our kids.  One of the three was Riley Green. Not long after we met Riley's parents, Brian and Lisa, and found pretty quick kinship in a shared Navy background. Before long we were sharing cookouts and laughter. Our youngest, Hannah, and Riley were fast friends and cohorts in trouble. Lisa and I bonded over their misadventures, messy rooms, and exorbitant grocery bills. Our eldest, Randi, was ever the big sister. Eventually driving them to school, dealing with them being late, and complaining about how loud and dramatic they could be.

 All those important days from that time on included the Greens. When Randi did not want a big deal made of her high school graduation, and asked to only have family at the party, it included the Greens. When the other two graduated over the next  two years, we were together to watch and cheer and cry. When the Greens had extra points with Disney Vacation Club, it was us they took with them. Every year, at Easter I can count on a delivery of Easter bread from Lisa and any chance we get to use our smoker it is the Greens we invite over to feast. Finally, last November, when Hannah was planning her wedding and we kept having to shrink the guest list thanks to Covid, the Greens were among those we all refused to cut. This is family. 

Last Sunday, when that phone rang, and I picked up, it was Lisa's voice I heard. Only not like I had ever heard it before. Through her tears I heard the words, "Riley has died." It did not make sense; I must have misheard. I made her repeat it - "Riley has died." My heart shattered. He was not mine. We are not related in any physical way, but my heart shattered.  Riley, who is so alive in my head. Riley, who should come busting through my door anytime Hannah is home. Laughing, and probably up to no good. Riley, with his hugs that could melt away the worst kind of day. Riley and Hannah cackling like maniacs at 2am. As Randi and Hannah worked out getting home, we all had conversations with bosses and others, and tried to explain just who Riley is to us. He is our neighbor's son. He is Hannah's best friend. He is our friend's son. The kid next door. All of this is true and yet none of it fits quite right. Riley is in all the pictures. Prom, the school Marathon Dance, graduations, birthday dinners, the cruise we took, a trip to NYC, Hannah's wedding. Randi brought home a book by Cheryl Strayed. She has a chapter called "The Obliterated Place." She addresses a father who has lost his son and gives grace for that place that is left when one we love has died. Riley has left an obliterated place in our hearts. This is family.

We went to church today. It has been a week. The funeral has passed, but that emptiness remains. The grieving is just beginning, and the tears are bound to come and go for a long time to come. There is one more example of Jesus that comes to mind. When he went to the grave of Lazarus, he wept.  But there is more to this moment. Jesus knew how the story would end. He knew he was going to see Lazarus again. But still he wept. Lazarus was more than his friend, and more than a brother to Mary and Martha. Lazarus was family. The Greens are family. Riley is family.

 

                         

 

   

 

Lifted Up

Because I had seen several verses the past week or so, I was curious: just how many times does the Bible remind us the Lord will lift us up? Turns out, that is a bit tricky to quantify. Between different versions of the Bible, and the way Hebrew and Greek words have been translated, this theme can not be narrowed down so easily. But what am I searching for when I ask for this promise? Encouragement, hope, faith or maybe just strength for today? Or maybe just for this hour! Put any one of these suggestions in a search engine and you will garner a number of fantastic verses. 

When I started this scripture journey last fall, I was definitely led to certain books and passages that had me furiously writing in my journal. I spent 10 days, and page after page soaking up James. Which is, and will probably always be, my favorite New Testament book. But somewhere in the last month or so I became restless and struggling to dig in or hear what God had for me in what I was reading. I do not know if it was stress, a lack of stillness, or Satan trying to steal that joy. Perhaps it was a combination of all of those things. I kept opening my Bible, starting to read, and then putting it down feeling like I just was not finding what I was seeking. Then God opened my eyes (or hit me over the head) not with what I was trying to find on my own, but with what others were reading and finding. Verse after beautiful verse, and passage after passage of deep and inspiring scripture being shared on social media, sermons, prayer meetings, and even TV shows. Often, the same verse or passage would show up multiple times in the span of a day. Verses I knew, or thought I knew, became fresh with brand new meaning. OK, God, I am listening now. I have never been a believer that one should open a Bible, point, and find their random word for the day. I was not convinced this was how God wanted me to spend time in his word each day, either. Was I really supposed to open Facebook each day and find that perfect random verse I needed for the day? But, then again, none of it is random, is it? 

2 Kings 9:30  "When Jehu came to Jezreel, Jezebel heard about it, so she painted her eyes, fixed her hair and looked down from the window"

Well, that was pretty random. Although, between working from home, quarantine life, and barely seeing anyone outside of my husband, maybe God is trying to tell me something with that one. 

In a time when I was looking for God to lift me up and give me a fresh word, I felt a bit like he was not listening. Have you heard that story of the downing man who passes up help from another swimmer, then a boat, and finally a helicopter all while declaring God will save him before succumbing to the water?  I can be a bit slow or stubborn. When I was struggling to find encouragement, hope, faith or just strength for today God was most certainly listening. Not just to me, to many of us who were looking for the same thing. Throughout the 66 timeless books of the Bible there is no shortage of passages that can give me any of those things, and more. But sometimes, often when I am doing a lot of seeking on my own, he will send them to me through someone else. Maybe, just maybe, I was not the only one in need of that word today. Thank you to all of you who faithfully share what God shares with you. You may be lifting up another more than you know. 

1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

I will leave you with that today. I am going to go read that story in 2 Kings, and find out who Jehu was and what Jezebel was up to. Oh, and I might even fix my hair.

In The Waiting

        I hate to wait. No one likes to wait, right? If you do, I would really love to hear what you enjoy about waiting. Waiting just stinks. Maybe it is the world we live in now, with so much immediately available. Between our smartphones and Amazon Prime 2-day delivery, we literally wait for almost nothing. Or maybe we just never got past our 4 year old selves impatiently waiting for whatever we were demanding.

       A while back I taught a 2 and 3 year old class for our church we called Bee Buddies. The lessons all centered around Bee Kind, Bee Loving, and Bee Patient. For the Bee Patient lesson I always brought cookie dough. We would lay it out on pans, put it in the oven, and then do a short lesson while we "patiently" waited for the cookies to bake. It was hard! Their little minds could not move away from those cookies. They wanted to peek in the oven and see if they were ready.  Even when they were, they would reach for hot pans and cookies and had to be distracted away. If we are being honest, aren't we all that way at times? We rush to things that may not be good for us because we just cannot wait.

     Waiting comes in many forms and, at some point in our lives, we all wait for something. We wait for school to end, to find true love, for children to be born, and then for them to grow and, at some point, we probably wait for them to come home again. We have the short waits like standing in line at a theater and the long painful ones such as waiting on medical test results, or the return of loved one from military service.

     Months ago, this topic kept coming up for me. It came up in a devotional reading and then again in a conversation with friends. I kept hearing songs and being reminded of verses that spoke about waiting. The idea for this blog started to churn around in my mind but I kept putting it off for one reason or another. Then suddenly there was this global pandemic known as COVID-19. Now we are all waiting.....

      My book loving daughter said it best when she said she felt like we were living the first few chapters of a dystopian novel. Anyone else feeling the strong desire to flip to the last chapter and see how it all ends? I do not believe anyone alive has been through anything quite like this. I certainly have not seen anything like it in my lifetime. There is very little we can do but sit, and wait, and watch to see how it all turns out. Our control has been completely taken away.

     My first thought was that there is just no manual to help us through this situation. The mix of emotions being felt worldwide is unprecedented. Then I started to recall all the lessons I had been receiving the past few months on patience and waiting.  Turns out there are at least 7 words between the Hebrew and Greek that translate to wait or waiting. Kind of sums up all the different ways our waiting looks through this time. Verses like Lamentations 3:25-27 " The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that the one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. " and Pslam 40:1 " I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry." all speak to the value of waiting with patience on the Lord to work. The fruits of the spirit include patience. Obviously this was a lesson God wanted us all to know. He knew throughout our lives we would need this skill.  Has anything ever tested the patience of humankind as a whole? Well, there was that time between Malachi and Matthew but there was no media or, even better, social media to remind us constantly of the state of the world.

       There are a lot of ways we can look at this time. We can focus on the fear, or the unknown, or we can choose to be still and wait with patience. We can use this time for solitude and searching. We are being forced to slow down and take stock in what matters most. I have been most encouraged by the images of families gathering around a table for games or snuggled together on the couch for a movie. Our parks are open and free to get out in the sunshine and take a walk. Remember to keep your distance from others but do smile and wave. We all need that right now.  Rest, and breathe and take a break from the rapid influx of information from the media. Stay informed, but then turn it off. Take care of yourself. Laugh. It is OK to find the humor. I am personally loving the stories and pictures of many or the new fuzzy co workers and their lack of professional office behavior.

     To the moms and dads homeschooling while working from home, you are doing great! Hang in there and remember the kids need some rest too. Downtime and playing with their families will help them and you. To the teachers missing their students and learning on the fly how to teach remotely, you are our heroes.The creativity and love of learning that brought you to this profession is the very reason you were brought into these students lives at this place in time.  Do not lose heart and we pray you will be back in your classes soon. Finally, to those on the front lines and your families. We are praying constantly for your health and safely. We pray for a strength beyond your understanding as you work tirelessly to keep us safe. We pray for peace for your families as they watch you head out the door into this unknown.

     I am starting to come to the realization that Easter is going to look very different this year. It is unlikely we will be celebrating this precious time with our church families. As this realization is taking hold, I am reminded of the first disciples on that first Easter morning. As the sun rose they were hiding in a room somewhere in terror of what would happen next. They did not yet know the truth.  We may be isolated in a room on that morning but we do not have to be in fear. We already know the tomb was empty. We already know who conquers and will prevail. Rest and be still in this time of waiting.

     "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Psalm 3:5

     "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous." Psalm 27:14

     "But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience" Romans 8:25

    "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Beauty

      Rob took me away this weekend to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We did not go far, just to Killington, VT.  From the moment we arrived I was struck by the beauty of the area. Surrounded by the Green Mountains, we found miles of farms and beautiful old houses, a town that looked like it came straight out of an old movie, a worn and weathered castle built to lure a British royal to marry a Vermont native, and a breathtaking view from the top of a popular ski spot. It was here, sitting at the top of Killington Peak, that I was struck with how much beauty I have had the privilege to see. You know that saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?" Well, it seems my beholding eyes find beauty in a number of different things.
   Since we moved to Upstate New York I have yet to tire of the deep green giants rising around me. However, as a self declared southern girl, I am so drawn to the coast and the rolling, endless blue of the ocean that I long for the sun and the feel of warm sand. Now, the Caribbean has a different beauty than the Atlantic. It is bluer and the sand whiter somehow.  Of course, I was born in Minot, North Dakota, and know the peace of being able to see miles ahead along the highway edged by soft waving wheat or the strong, tall stalks of corn. So different with each region, and yet so beautiful in it's own right.
   Then there is the beauty of the seasons.  The colors and smells of fall, the glitter and brightness of fresh snow, those first shoots of green in the spring, and the bright warm sun of summer. Each one completely unique, and each one with a value and beauty that is hard to deny.
   What struck me, sitting at the top of a mountain, was how brilliant God was in his creation. There is striking beauty anywhere and anytime we might be. So how much more is there beauty within us?
 

"So God created mankind in his own image, male and female he created them" Genesis 1:27

"In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land" Psalm 95:4-5

How can I admire the beauty of the world around me and not always value the beauty of His most prized creation? Nothing could be more unique and creative as each and every individual on the earth.  I had a recent conversation with a friend about how people are in different parts of the country. This could certainly be even more pronounced if traveling outside the US. So different with each region, and yet so beautiful in their own right.

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10

So get out there and explore. Check out the amazing handiwork around you and, along the way, don't forget to make new friends. Each one completely unique and each one with a value and beauty that is hard to deny.

Rollercoasters

         If asked, I would tell you I love rollercoasters.  Over the years I have had the opportunity to ride a variety of these amusement park adventures. From Space Mountain at Disney World, to the Boomerang at The Great Escape in Lake George, NY. There have been cars where I could sit safely in my father's lap to hanging from my back with nothing underneath, to give the illusion of flying. I have been upside down, twisted around, and even backwards. Each one more thrilling than the last; I love the loops, the speed, and the rush. 

       I do, however, have some rules for rollercoasters.  I prefer them to have the harnesses that come down over your shoulder. I do not appreciate feeling like I can move around in my seat. I want a nice, tight, hugging fit. I am also not a fan of the drops. I do not mind a small one along the way, but I hate those huge, plummeting falls. They make my stomach rise up in my throat and, quite frankly, they just scare the heck out of me.  Life can be a rollercoaster. Sometimes you are enjoying the thrilling flight, and the next minute there is a sudden drop.

         The last few months have been like this for me. A flood of emotional loops and drops. So here I am writing out my thoughts and trying to remember every turn, and thrill, and stomach churning drop. Our Randi returned home from college for the summer. This is a fun thrill for a mom. Family arrived as we began to prepare for the graduation of our Hannah. Again, loops and fun. We had final concerts and awards ceremonies. These are like those little drops followed by a sudden turn. They bring a little lurch and thrill at the same time. Somewhere in the midst I learned my mother-in-law had had some scary health moments, my husband's Grandma had a heart attack, and, finally, my dear friend Michele fell into a coma. It felt like one of those old wooden coasters with just the bar in your lap that allow you to move around in your seat wildly feeling every jerk and jump. I kind of hate those things. 

        Hannah had her college freshman orientation and high school graduation within the span of a week, my mother-in-law received good test results, my brother, who we thought would miss graduation, surprised us and showed up just in time.  Loop-di-loop! We lost Grandma-ma the morning of graduation. DROP! Family began to head home and back to normal. Flat track at the end or not...Michele died. I think the bottom fell out of the track. Flights booked, bags packed, arrangements made. More free falling. Two goodbyes in barely over 12 hours. I really want off this ride. 

        I love rollercoasters, but I have some rules. 

Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die

a time to plant and a time to uproot

a time to kill and a time to heal

a time to tear down and a time to build

a time to week and a time to laugh

a time to mourn and a time to dance

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing

a time to search and time to give up

a time to keep and a time to throw away

a time to tear and a time to mend

a time to be silent and a time to speak

a time to love and a time to hate

a time for war and a time for peace

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil. This is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.